


Hold my hand like we aren't losers

by bipalium



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anime Lore, Fluff and Angst, Hal The Technical Support Worker, M/M, Referenced PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-04-20 07:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14256381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bipalium/pseuds/bipalium
Summary: “Life isn’t all roses, and I don’t know anything about the horror you have to face, that’s true. I’m not sure if I can help you with it, but I’m sure of one thing: I want to be with you, Dave.”Being an otaku is the only hobby of Hal Emmerich, who has abandoned his pursuit of IT career and works in a call center to feed his ill sister. His life is plain and dull, until he meets a certain stranger who shares his weird interests.





	1. A New Hope

 

“Skynet Telecom, Hal. How can I help you?”

A suppressed laughter comes from the other side of the line. There’s some rustle and excited shouts on the background. He winces.

“Aren’t there any girls?” The voice is mockingly low, as if a teenager trying to sound older. “I wanna speak to a pretty girl, not a guy!”

Putting the pen onto his notepad, Hal rubs his eyelids under his glasses. This is why night shifts are hell.

“Do you have any questions regarding Skynet Telecom services?” Hal says in a well-trained mechanical tone. He’s been called a robot enough times for it, but clichés are clichés.

“Okay, if you can’t transfer me to a cute girl, then tell me,” an idiotic chuckle, “what’s a grown-up guy doing working in a call center?”

Hal grits his teeth.

“Do you have any questions regarding Skynet Telecom services?” he repeats, wishing he could just yell _Fuck off, bastard!_ into the mic and end the call.

“What a damn loser,” the caller snorts. Dial tone comes in, Hal grabs his headset and throws it into the screen.

“Hey, keep quiet there!”

Mei Ling, the strict supervisor lady, is glaring at him from her workstation.

“This headset is worth your monthly bonus, you know, Emmerich!” she adds and turns back at her computer. How can she maintain such an upright posture and concentrated look this late at night?

It’s not anywhere near the assigned break time, but Hal picks up a pencil and flips a notebook page. The sketch of Nia Teppelin he’s been working on all day is almost finished. He only needs to empathize her unique eyes and add shading to the folds of her dress. Of course she looks cuter in the anime, but not that bad in his style.

_If you can’t transfer me to a cute girl_

The grip on the pencil tightens, a line comes out bolder than he intended.

_What a damn loser_

Hal’s knuckles turn white. His fingers tremble, and the pencil snaps and breaks in half, piece of it scattering to the floor.

He doesn’t regard himself as a loser, no. Certainly, he didn’t have the luxury of getting a better job since Emma fell ill and Hal had to drop out of the university to earn a living. If only mama was still there, she would’ve given him some advice, come up with _something_. Things would’ve been easier, somehow. 

Working in technical support of Skynet Telecom doesn’t pay much. The call center workers are the first line that gets requests and redirects them to engineers who in their turns go on house-calls. The line in his employment record book reads a simple _Specialist_ – so generalized and thus diminishing the sense of being an expert in a field. It's not that his work requires any in-depth knowledge or skills, anyway. If only he could get promoted into the Engineer Department.

The office is an open space with rows of cubicles which are narrow workstations. Cameras are everywhere and even screens are being constantly recorded. No mobile phones allowed, either. All the breaks are scheduled and strictly monitored. Hal is glad he doesn’t smoke, for there are only three ten-minute breaks and one half-an-hour lunch break. His back is always sore after a shift.

There’s something nice about walking home in mornings. It’s early spring; _Samurai Champloo_ soundtrack is blasting though his headphones. Hands in pockets, hurrying to the bus station. He ought to buy some milk and eggs – Emma can’t shop or cook whatsoever.

He’s exhausted when he finally opens the door to his apartment. Various keychains jiggle as he does so; his eye lingers on the new one with EVA 01. Won it at Yahoo auction, a rare item.

Emma is still asleep, so Hal goes straight into the kitchen. He isn’t hungry at all – gotta get some sleep first. Having broken a few eggs, he adds milk into the frying pan. The sun is seeping through the blinds, crossing the room with narrow stripes of light.

When the omelet is ready and set on the table under a splatter cover so it won’t get cold, Hal drags his feet to his room. It’s rather small, clustered with IT books and manga, a few posters on the walls. There isn’t much besides a moderate bed with Gundam-print blanket and a desk where his most treasured possession is stationed: his PC. He wishes he could get a better videocard to play _Iron Solid Circle_ _: [V]engeance_ , game of the year which the entirety of the imageboards can’t shut up about.

He falls into shallow slumber the moment his head touches the pillow. After a minute, his alarm goes off: no, it’s already 6 pm. A muffled sound of TV comes out from Emma’s room.

After brushing his teeth and hair, he walks to check on her: she’s asleep on the couch, her favorite series on the screen. Hal sighs, switching the lights off.

He has ‘breakfast’ without changing from his pajamas right at his desk. A little browsing and watching a dozen episodes of anime he realizes that it’s so late it’s early. He’d better go to bed if he doesn’t want to die at work tomorrow.

It’s hard to fall asleep so soon after a nap, and he tosses and turns in bed. There’s one way to put himself to sleep fast, though.

Back at the desk, Hal clicks _Favorites_. The cursor hovers above the Pornhub link.

A few minutes later, he drops dirty napkins into a trash bin and falls on his bed. He blinks, and the sun is glaring into his face, alarm clock buzzing.

Emma looks a bit sad, sipping on her coffee in absent-minded silence. He doesn’t have the time to properly talk to her, hopping as he’s getting into his jeans with a toast in his mouth like a late-to-school anime protagonist.

The bus is crowded and slow, common for a half past seven. _Gurren Lagann_ main theme comes on shuffle, and Hal lowkey shakes his head to the rhythm. _Row! Row! Fight the power!_ always fills him with determination.

He isn’t late today but most of his coworkers are already at their places, yawning and stretching. Some have notably dark bags below their eyes.

“Hey!” His pal, Johnny, reaches for a handshake. “You going to cafeteria today? I checked the schedule and our lunch breaks match.”

Hal smiles, shaking his hand, then slapping his palm and bumping fists with him.

“No, I have a packed lunch with me,” he excuses himself. Johnny sighs in frustration. As much as it’s awkward, Hal must save for that videocard. He’s already seen a couple of _Iron Solid Circle_ spoilers and doesn’t want to know more before he gets to check it out himself.

It’s a fairly easy Tuesday without any prank calls or discontented clients. At noon Hal leans into his chair, rummaging in the backpack for the lunchbox. A breather is nice, especially after a day shift right next the night shift.

“Emmerich,” the familiar stern voice sounds from behind. Is he getting scolded for eating at his workstation again?

“What is it?” He rolls in the chair and faces Mei Ling. Her expression is stony as usual, but her hands are locked together in an open, almost friendly gesture. She glances away for a moment. That’s something new.

“Are you on break?” she asks. Her voice is just a little strained. Hal’s brow rises.

“Yes, is there a problem?”

“Actually, yes.” She puffs and a strand of her bangs jumps in the air. “I have a special task for you.”

“Me?” Hal sets the lunchbox aside. The last time he was given a ‘special task’ he had to stay overtime for four hours, sorting out call recordings.

Mei Ling nods.

“The thing is, one of the engineers just called in sick,” she explains with a barely-there note of irritation. “He was assigned on a house-call, and the others have their own scheduled, so we ended up without a specialist for this one. Can you substitute for him?”

Hal blinks. Slowly, he takes off his glasses and wipes them with a hem of his Ayanami Rei print t-shirt. He should’ve showered better to clean his ears, too.

“Me? Substitute for an engineer on a house-call?” he clarifies, throat dry.

“Yes. I know it’s out of your area of expertise, but it’s nothing difficult.” Mei Ling gives him a nervous smile. “You just need to check the client’s computer and take it for maintenance. You’ll get paid extra for this, of course,” she adds with unnecessary eagerness.

Calculating the _Iron Solid Circle_ savings in his mind Hal wants to ask how much is this ‘extra’, but his tongue is faster than his brain.

“Alright. Write the address for me and give me the request number.”

A couple minutes later, washing his face in the bathroom, Hal realizes that it’s sure as hell not the best day to appear in public. Not only he’s unshaven; his hair is far from fresh and outgrown into a mess. And his shirt... Well, it’s not like he can’t take an hour of humiliation. Nothing beats that one time in middle school when he pissed his pants in front of his classmates. They called him _Hal The Urinator_ till graduation.

Thankfully, it’s not yet warm enough outside, so he puts on a hoodie to cover up the print. The address Mei Ling gave to him is a five-minute bus ride, so Hal puts on his headphones and hums to Taeko Onuki’s _Summer Connection_. Isn’t it amazing that despite not having a degree he’s got such a thrilling task? He can’t help smiling to himself, toying with the mental image of Emma praising him once he gets home and tells her.

The destination appears to be a rather plain apartment block with many doors alike. The elevator takes him to the fifth floor where the requester lives.

The door hasn’t been painted in decades, judging by its shabby look. Hal presses the doorbell. There’s no sound. Clearing his throat, he makes three firm knocks.

When no response comes, Hal starts shifting on his feet. Did he mistake the address? 581, 17B, Evergreen Street, David Doe – he reads on the note. The time of visit matches, too. Maybe it’s–

A key clacks in the lock and the door jerks open – Hal can swear he didn’t hear approaching footsteps. In the doorframe stands quite a drowsy man of a nice build. He has a somewhat scruffy look about him, with a messy beard and a lopsided bandana obscuring his sharp eyes. Hal gulps at seeing his muscles flex as he leans with his back to the frame, for he’s wearing nothing but boxers and...

_The same Ayanami Rei shirt Hal is wearing._

“What?” the man barks in a low, three-pack-a-day voice. Startled, Hal straightens into a line.

“I’m a specialist from Skynet Telecom,” he mumbles. He sounds so weak it’s pathetic. The man drills him with a metallic gaze. “Are you David Doe?”

“I am,” he says and steps back. “Come on in.”

The apartment has the same vibe as the man himself: untidy and brutal. Hal’s guess David Doe is a deep-rooted bachelor. Garbage plastic bags are swarmed in the hall and Hal almost trips, kicking his trainers off.

“This way,” David says and disappears in the room.

A single couch is all the living room furniture, and given that there’s a rumpled pillow and a blanket on it, this is also the man’s bedroom. And the kitchen, as it comes in Hal’s vision: the sink is overfilled with dirty dishes, the fridge is rumbling way too loud. The hero of the occasion – an old laptop – sits on top of a tiny coffee table which more resembles a cardboard box.

“This is the computer in question, right?” Hal ascertains. David plops down the couch and takes a cigarette.

“Yeah. This bastard’s been giving me headache for a whole week. You want one?”

He hands an open pack to Hal and he waves his hand in polite refusal.

“As I’ve read in your request, the laptop shuts off every thirty minutes. Is the issue still running?”

Hal squats in front of the coffee table, bringing the laptop closer. David props his foot on the table’s corner, a little bit too close to Hal’s face. Contrary to what the man looks like, he doesn’t smell. Frankly, there’s a faint scent in the room that feels... kind of nice?

“I haven’t used it today, but yeah, that’s the deal with it,” David mutters and takes a long drag of his cigarette.

It’s not hard to guess, but Hal makes sure to check and presses the Enter key. A shot of a topless model greets him from the wallpaper.

“Do you ever turn it off?” Hal asks. David’s lip twitches.

“Yeah,” he says with a vague air of uncertainty.

“Do you do it... like this?”

With that, Hal goes to Windows Menu and chooses _Shut Down_.

“Well, I usually just close the fucker, that’s all.”

Expected. Hal adjusts his glasses on his nose and rubs his hands together.

“Prepare to wait till it shuts off then, Mr. Doe.”

David snorts.

“Quit this _Mr. Doe_ ,” he mutters, almost bitter. “Just Dave is fine.”

And so they wait. As Hal goes online, Dave strolls to the fridge. When he gets back to the couch, a bottle of beer sits in his hand. Isn’t it too early for alcohol? He opens it with a satisfying _psshhtt_ as Hal browses through funny cat pictures.

“Anything to drink?” Dave offers. So casual.

“No, I’m good.” Hal attempts a smile. Something tells him if he agreed the man would’ve given him another beer, which is a no-go. He’s at work, after all.

It’s hot in the room, heavy curtains are closed but the heat makes it clear that the apartment’s windows are on the sunny side. Sweating, Hal reaches for the hem of his hoodie. Much better without it.

It’s Dave’s dumbfounded stare that makes him contemplate his mistake.

“Why didn’t you tell me we’re same shirt buddies?”

He moves closer, patting Hal’s shoulder and laughing. His laughter sounds surprisingly pleasant and Hal can’t help but chuckle. He feels a blush creeping up his face.

“Man, I just love Evangelion,” Dave utters and sits on the floor next to him. Excitement is gleaming in his eyes that oozed fatigue and dullness just moments ago. “I love the Jet Alone episode, even though most of the people I've met on the Internet hate it.”

If this day can bring more surprises, Hal won’t even blink if the sun sets in the east.

“God, never thought I’d meet anyone who enjoyed it! The animation there was wonderful, I held my breath when Jet Alone moved; and, man, its _arms_!”

“Yeah!” Dave chuckles, mimicking the gesture with slouched shoulders. “The arms were the best. I also really liked the Magi episode, shit was sad.”

“How do you feel about Misato and Kaji arc, speaking of sad stuff?”

In their heated conversation, Hal discovers that Dave prefers Asuka to Rei but the shirt with her design was sold out, that he couldn’t sleep after _The End of Evangelion_ , that he also loves _Cowboy Bebop_ and _Ghost in the Shell_ , goes so effortlessly that only after a couple of hours Hal realizes that he’s accepted a beer and is sitting on Dave’s couch, laptop forgotten for good.

“Man, I’m sorry for being an asshole,” Dave’s voice turns earnest, “I completely forgot to ask your name. It’s just,” he scratches his head, “we’ve been chatting like old friends, it just slipped out of my mind. Sorry.”

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Hal assures. Dave is pretty close to him and he has to admit that the man surely smells nice, of faint aftershave and shower gel. His arms look so strong...

“So, what is it?” Dave grins and brings the bottle to his mouth.

His Adam apple glides up and down as he swallows. In the dim lighting of the room his well-sculpted face looks really handsome. Hal wipes his wet palms against his jeans.

“I’m Hal,” he says, a little sheepish. “Hal Emmerich.”

“Nice to meet you, Hal,” Dave says and shakes his hand. It’s eager and there’s so much lenient strength in the gesture. Hal’s stomach shrinks with pleasant tingling.

He needs to go, but he’d rather talk to the man more. The laptop seems to need a simple thermal compound change and he won’t be able to excuse himself for a longer delay.

“Have you seen Gurren Lagann?” Hal asks at the door. “It’s a mecha anime, great style and all, made by Gainax, the studio that worked on Evangelion.”

“No, but if you recommend it I’ll give it a try.” Dave smiles. That’s a really nice smile.

Hal leaves the apartment block in high spirits. He feels a bit stupid for feeling so jubilant, but when was the last time he made a friend, and over nothing else but anime? _Today sure is a lucky day,_ he thinks, buying chewing gum in a kiosk at the bus station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, teeth-shattering fluff and (a bit of) soul-stirring angst ahead! Thank you for reading, feedback is highly appreciated :)


	2. The Real Otaku Blues

The evening is spent in quiet. Emma mostly sleeps these days, but for dinner, which includes nothing but a premade microwaved lasagna, she joins Hal in the kitchen.

“You look so happy,” she comments around a bite. “Did anything happen?”

“Well, yeah,” Hal says with pride. “I substituted for an engineer today and met a really nice guy.”

“Oh?” There’s curiosity obscured by scarce concern in her faint features. She didn’t use to be so pale. “Does it mean you’re getting promoted?”

“Um, I’m not sure. But it was good for a change.”

An aura of unease settles in the room. Emma is chewing with an absent gaze, Hal finishes his meal and goes up to the sink.

“Hal,” Emma calls and he turns at her with alert. Her eyes are a little teary. “I’m glad that you befriended someone.”

To tell the truth, the pisspants incident never allowed him to make many friends at school. In fact, there was only one guy who didn’t despise him. He was tall and handsome, and Hal felt jittery joy whenever they talked. Only at university it hit Hal what the essence of that feeling was, when a roommate shared a rumor with him.

“Alex from my class is dating a guy, can you believe it? I saw them kissing at the lockers.”

Kissing someone must be something out of this world, Hal prompted. But the roommate raised an eyebrow at him.

“Dude, it isn’t really cool, you know,” he said with a frown. “Kissing girls is bomb, but guys... No, it’s perverted. I don’t think I can be friends with Alex after what I saw, it doesn’t feel right, you see?”

Hal had never wondered whether it was perverted. Lacking friends or pals, he couldn’t make a difference what was bomb and what wasn’t. Any human contact, any nice word towards his persona – which was so rare – he took with a mellow puddle forming in his stomach.

But after that revelation, for the first time Hal typed ‘gay’ in the search bar of Pornhub. He didn’t care much about porn before, but what he saw implemented a brand new sensation in his gut: keen, thorough want. He watched with narrowed eyes, imagining that the guy spread on his knees was himself, taking another man’s cock, moaning and spitting obscenities. Not that he could ever say anything that filthy out loud, but the fantasy was driving him so aroused that he freed from his jeans and spread his legs. Hesitating, he circled his finger around the hole. No, those guys used lube, it wouldn’t work without it. So he applied some, took a deep inhale and glided one finger in. He hadn’t come so hard in his whole life.

Present day Hal isn’t bothered by an issue of sexuality, for he’s embraced the fact that it’s impossible for him to find a partner. He’d like to date someone, most preferably a guy – a strong and muscular one, with sharp cheekbones, someone handsome who would not only put him on his knees and give it to him, but who would also be nice just to talk to. He doesn’t want simple one-night stands. Which has led him to the conclusion that he’ll end up growing old alone. Who would want to date _him_ anyway? At some sense, he’s given up.

Hal didn’t allow himself the thought that Dave was miraculously meeting all his standards when he was in his apartment. Well, he doesn’t look like a pornstar, though he does give off the impression that he puts his lovers on their knees. But no, it isn’t right to think that about a client, Hal keeps telling himself through the whole next week, anticipating the day when the laptop has been finished with.

The day doesn’t come. It’s been ten days since his visit and such a minor repair hardly calls for a few ones. With bad premonition, Hal approaches Mei Ling on a break.

“About that house-call I went on,” he starts, stuttering a bit. “David Doe’s laptop. Has it been fixed?”

Mei Ling keeps clacking the keys without paying him a glance.

“Yes, it was returned to the owner at the weekend,” she states. “Why?”

A freezing clot hardens in Hal’s stomach, his head going light.

“I thought I’d be the one to turn it in,” he mumbles, fingering his glasses.

“Well, the assigned engineer did his job.” Mei Ling shrugs. “And you’d better return to _your_ work, Emmerich.”

Perhaps his head went numb, cutting off his hearing and senses whatsoever, because the calls come in and out without his comprehension. He’s typing like a machine, muttering clichés on autopilot. His chest is tight and it’s hard to breathe.

What an idiot. He should’ve asked Dave for his number. There is a database of the clients’ contacts but first line specialists don’t have access to it. Only a few hours later it hits him that he knows the man’s address, but wouldn’t it be too creepy to show up at a place of someone he saw just once?

Isn’t it creepy that a literal stranger is all he can think about?

At lunch Hal makes a great effort to focus on Johnny’s ranting about his new girlfriend.

“She’s so kind to me, I don’t deserve it,” he says with a dreamy gaze, munching on his sandwich. “Can you believe it, she called me cute! I thought I’d die.”

Hal snorts.

“That’s sure an exaggeration,” he says with more spite than he means, which earns him a smack on the back of his head.

“Come on, man! I know, I just can’t believe that a girl truly thinks so, and it makes me happy! Don’t you get it?”

At another time Hal would get it alright, but not now, preoccupied with his own misery. He should just go to Dave’s place after work pretending he wants to make sure everything’s fine with the laptop. And if he isn’t home Hal won’t have to embarrass himself at all.

With that decided, it now kicks in how tedious the second part of the shift is. The calls are long, breaks blank and for the first time in months he just can’t wait for the day to end.

This is why he’s so eager, running out of the building and zipping his parka on his way. It’s a pleasant evening and the sunset is radiating with soft purple hues at the horizon. Hal has neither patience nor time to relish it, hurrying down the steps.

“Hal!”

Jumping from the last step, he turns abruptly at the familiar voice calling him. Leaning on the railing, stands none other than Dave. He’s wearing a bomber jacket and a cap but his charming smile in undoubtedly recognizable. Warmth spreads in Hal’s limbs, turning them into wobbly noodles. Grinning like a fool, he dashes to Dave and grasps his hand in a passionate handshake.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Hal asks, fighting with a smile that hurts his face.

“Just walking with Jessie.”

Dave nods down and only now Hal notices a middle-sized husky at his feet. The dog looks at him with fair friendliness. 

“Oh, what a pretty girl!” Hal squats and beams at the dog. “A girl, right?”

“Right,” Dave says and stoops to pet her ears. “She’s very affectionate, so don’t be scared if she jumps at you, she means no harm. Right, Jess?”

They stroll along the sidewalk, Jessie mincing in front of them. Dave tells that he binge-watched _Gurren Lagann_ and it’s the best mecha he’s seen.

“I’m glad!” Hal beams at him. “Hold on, I’ll show you something.”

He takes off his backpack, fishing out the notebook. It’s not that he shows it around, but given that Dave has just watched the series and even more so, enjoyed it, he might like the drawing.

“Here.” Hal thrusts the notebook into Dave’s hands. He ceases his pace, staring.

“Wow,” he says with a whistle. “Not only you’re good at computers, but you also draw, and so well, huh.”

He doesn’t remember the last time his art was complimented. Maybe it was mama who did it. There’s a tender fudge sprawling in his chest. Hal feels like sitting down and taking a breath; too bad they’re in the middle of a street.

So they walk around, discussing Gurren Lagann and laughing. Hal catches himself on a thought that he hasn’t felt this easy talking to a person in years. Ah, hell, in his whole life.

“It’s getting late.” Dave stops at a bus station. “Shouldn’t you go home? You looked like you were in a hurry.”

“Oh, yeah. My sister’s waiting for me.” Hal nods. His cheeks are hot despite the evening chill. “How about we exchange numbers?”

Dave gazes at him with an inexplicable expression. His palm lies on Hal’s shoulder; the touch makes him melt on the inside.

“Sure, I was actually about to suggest it,” Dave says with a smile that is too gentle for his tough face. But it suits him.

 

***

 

They’ve been meeting every evening now, strolling around the streets with Jessie. She’s a good dog and soon Hal can’t tell whom she likes more, for she keeps snuggling to him and demanding pets. But seeing that, Dave looks happy and Hal can’t take off his eyes from the man’s wrinkled with joy eyes.

It’s Friday, and for once Hal will have the weekend off. The calls are unfrequented today and the buzz of the office’s giant organism is lulling him into sleep.

It’s the vibration of his phone in his jeans that startles him wide awake. An an explanatory note is the lightest punishment for using phones, worst case scenario he may be deprived of bonuses. But what if something happened to Emma? What if it’s urgent?

Anxious, Hal refers to the break schedule. His break isn’t coming anytime soon. But he has to check his phone. Actually, there’s one trick up his sleeve he hasn’t used since high school.

Putting on his best suffering expression, he walks up to Mei Ling, holding onto his stomach.

“What is it, Emmerich?” She asks without turning. “It’s not your break yet, get on the line.”

“Sorry, Ms Ling,” he whines, slouching as if in pain. “I need to use the bathroom. Immediately.”

There’s a click of her tongue. With a sharp swoosh, she rolls on her chair, glaring.

“Can’t you wait one more hour? You aren’t in kindergarten.”

Hal scowls, twisting his eyebrows to convey the most intolerable suffering.

“I think my lunch was expired, ma’am,” he lies, supporting his statement with a small groan.

Eyelids twitching in unmistakable annoyance, she rolls her eyes so hard he can see her whites.

“Fine, but be back in three minutes,” Mei Ling hisses.

His phone keeps buzzing while he’s hurrying to the bathroom. Once in a stall, Hal unblocks it and sees three unread messages. All from Dave.

 _hey Hal look_ – reads the text message. Another one: _look at her_. The next one is a picture that makes Hal break into a wide smile: a mirror selfie with Dave holding up Jessie. She’s licking his cheek while he keeps a straight, serious face. But what drives Hal’s attention is the tattoo on Dave’s right shoulder – a cartoony fox with a toy gun.

 _How sweet! :D_ – he types and presses _Send_.

 _Didn’t know you have a tattoo_ – he adds after a moment of consideration.

Two new messages come in: another text and a picture attached to it.

_got it in the army. I’ll tell you the story behind it someday_

The picture is another selfie, now without Jessie. Dave is flexing his bicep in the mirror to empathize the tattoo. Now when the dog isn’t covering up half of his torso, Hal can’t help but linger on his sculpted pectorals and toned abs. And his white-teeth grin is so attractive...

Another message comes in.

_look, there’s a new movie out in theaters I heard was inspired by Evangelion_

A link follows. _Pacific Rim_ , the title reads. Sure, Hal has not only heard of it, but has been anticipating it since the first trailer. But the videocard savings...

A new message:

_we gotta see this shit_

Well, who can resist such a direct proposal? It seems that _Iron Solid Circle_ has to wait some more.

 _Yeah \ (•_ _◡_ _•) /_ – he types, eager. _I’m off this weekend. You free?_

A reply comes in a flash of light:

_always free for some smoking hot giant robot action_

Hal presses his palm to his mouth to suppress a giggle. What a blessing this man is.

When he gets back, Mei Ling regards him with a murdering glance.

“Ten minutes, Emmerich,” she mouths, raising her fist. And the next second she’s all smiles, _Skynet Telecom, Mei! How can I help you?_

 

***

 

The evening is lovely and warm enough for Hal to put on the Rei shirt without covering it up. He lowkey hopes that Dave will wear his, too. They could match Evangelion t-shirts at Pacific Rim premiere. What a life.

Hal is the first to get to the theatre. It’s packed, and he pushes his way to the popcorn stand. Does Dave like popcorn at all? Somehow, he’s never got to ask. He should just wait for the man if he doesn’t want to end up with two baskets.

When Dave enters the hall, looking around in confusion, Hal is both happy and frustrated. Contrary to his expectations, Dave is wearing a plain white t-shirt and a denim jacket. But after a brief stab of disappointment, Hal realizes that nothing suits the man better than this simple outfit.

And then he learns that Dave prefers not to eat or drink in theatres.

“I hate when people munch or slurp during a film, it doesn’t allow me to concentrate.” He frowns. Hal feels sweat gathering at his temples. Good thing he didn’t get to buy anything.

The movie hall is full, mostly filled with teenagers and couples. A few otaku-looking older men sit in the higher row.

It begins and Hal is immersed from the first second. Giant Kaijus, human-piloted mechas – is it even a Hollywood film? Since his childhood, Hal has loved anime dearly but hasn’t ever thought he’d end up seeing anything like this on a big screen. It’s thrilling, the impacts feel so real and the story, even though it does resemble Evangelion at some parts, is so unique and outstanding for western media. He turns to peek at Dave: he looks concentrated, completely hooked. He doesn’t seem to be breathing.

But when the movie ends, Dave becomes a chatter machine-gun.

“The Russian pilots were amazing, too bad they died,” he says, gesturing with eagerness. “And the Kaijus; might compete even with Godzilla.”

“Yeah, Hollywood is really stepping up their game now.” Hal nods. “I usually don’t like CGI effects but here they were so natural!”

Before Hal knows it, their conversation flows to one topic and another, and they end up in a line at KFC. He picks wings and a soda for himself, Dave settles for a burger and a beer.

“Man, there’s still so many great things to watch,” Dave mutters, wistfully chewing on his burger. “I wish a day had more hours in it.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask.” Hal pushes his glasses up his nose. “What do you do? For a living, I mean.”

Dave chews thoroughly, takes a sip of his beer, swallows. Clears his throat. His hand on top of the table twitches a little.

“I’m currently unemployed,” he confesses, not looking very pleased with himself. “Live on unemployment allowance. I know how it sounds,” he adds, his unfocused gaze sliding to the side. “But after the army I couldn’t bring myself to find a stable job. Have done odd jobs, if it excuses anything.”

Hal’s throat is dry and he swallows past a bitter lump in it.

“I’m sorry I asked,” he mutters. “But there’s no shame in it. Frankly, I’m not a big specialist myself, I just take calls. Me going on your request was just a one-time thing.”

“A happy accident, huh.” Dave glances up and his smile is back in place. It’s not particularly joyful, but it’s kind and fills Hal’s heart with a strong emotion of belonging. He can’t agree more.

When they’re strolling to the bus stop it’s already dark and quite chill. Hal regrets not having put on a hoodie, what a dumb choice that was. He flinches when rough denim lands onto his shoulders.

“You look cold,” Dave comments. Hal ceases his steps. His chest is swelling and blood pumping so fast he’s seeing circles of red. It’s hard to breathe, his legs are going weak.

Is it... what he thinks it is?

The street is almost empty. Dave is looking at him in silence interrupted only by distant screeching of tires.

“You know, Dave,” Hal says, making a step closer. “I know this is going to sound weird, and I know I’m not supposed to say such things to a person I met just a couple of weeks ago. It’s hard for me to form this into words, but I... when I’m with you I feel such ease that I haven’t felt ever before. I know that I must be content with what I have, and I'm really glad that we can walk and talk just like that, enjoying each other's company.”

The wind swooshes, taking up short bangs of Dave’s wavy hair. He’s quiet, hands in pockets, eyes fixed on Hal.

“But... Jesus, I wish I was better with words, I just have to say it. I have to be honest with you.” His voice cracks. No, not now, he has to be strong. He has to–

Hal steps closer and clasps Dave’s shoulder, peering at him with desperation of a drowning man.

“I like you a lot, Dave. And not just in a friendly way. You’re so interesting and handsome and I wish... I wish we could... be together not just as friends. I want to date you.”

Static settles in his ears, a misty layer obscuring his vision. His hands shake, numb fingers dipping into Dave’s shoulder.

Dave is silent. He doesn’t move an inch. And then, he steps away without any effort.

“Sorry, I gotta go.”

And he is walking away. His broad back is like sentence, final and non-appealable. Hal is standing in the middle of the street with his hand still raised. Tears are flowing down his cheeks.

He doesn’t remember how he got home, even though he didn’t drink. Quickly putting a pizza for Emma into the microwave, he retires into his room and jumps onto his bed. Dave’s jacket falls to the floor as Hal presses the pillow to his face so his sister won’t hear him sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend Pacific Rim came out in spring in this universe ;)  
> Thank you for reading! This chapter also includes an illustration by me: https://twitter.com/shelleymorth/status/995016941155835904


	3. Sayonara Zetsubou Otaku

It’s sunrise when he’s cried his eyes out. His body is limp and he can’t feel a single cell. Can’t move a finger either.

When it seems that no more emotions are left in him, a practical issue rises: what should he do with Dave’s jacket? Obviously, he’s not seeing the man ever again. Won’t ever stroll with him in evening chillness, laughing and talking and admiring his beautiful eyes. A stab of pain pierces Hal’s chest and he curls into a ball, holding onto the pillow. And he thought he didn’t have any fluids left to shed tears. A sore sob is forming afresh, jarring through his lungs and throat.

He does fall into restless sleep before the alarm goes off: he has to serve Emma breakfast. Like a zombie, Hal makes an effort to move his heavy body, walking straight into the kitchen without passing by the bathroom to brush his teeth.  

A can of beer greets him in the fridge and it costs him all his willpower not to settle for it.

He’s not hungry and won’t be anytime soon. Having made scrambled eggs and coffee, he takes a tray and heads to Emma’s room. The TV is working mute. Among the pile of blankets on the couch Emma’s petite figure isn’t even noticeable. Her parrot is chirping from its cage:

“Emma, Emma! Wake up, wake up! Rise and shine!”

Hal sets the tray on the coffee table and sits down on the edge of the couch. Stirring, Emma winces at the sunray that beams to her face.

“Morning,” she mutters, hoarse. She blinks; her eyes widen and she goes on an endless fit of coughing. Hal peers into the TV screen. It’s that one _Tom & Jerry_ episode where Tom has to atone for his sins and beg Jerry’s forgiveness to get to heaven but keeps meeting all sorts of obstacles, including a giant piano being dropped on him from the top of the stairs.

Emma’s cough ceases and she raised on her elbow, taking the coffee.

“Thanks,” she whispers into the cup.

Hal nods.

“Hey.” She sits up, the cup placed back on the table. “You look... not so good. Is something wrong?”

She clasps his forearm with her soft, small hand. Not being able to look her in the eye, Hal swallows around the bitterness in his mouth and cracks the fakest smile.

“I’m fine,” he lies as his soul is shattering into pieces.

He spends half of the day staring into TV screen with empty eyes. Emma doesn’t mind. Half-way into a boring and unrealistic movie about two women switching houses for holidays, which of course miraculously helps all their romantic endeavors, he gets so angry he jumps up to vacuum-clean the apartment. He’s been meaning to do it anyway; dust is all over the place and it’s becoming more and more difficult to breathe with each day of delay.

It’s not that Hal avoids returning into his room where the calamitous jacket resides, but first he needs to make lunch. Mac and cheese would go, he doesn’t have the energy for anything more complex anyway. While the water’s boiling, Hal cracks open the icy can of beer and dries it in several long, thirsty gulps. His body melts into a sore but relaxed sack and he lowers himself into the seat.

With lunch eaten, Emma drags herself back into her room without saying a word. Hal’s heart rate rises at the realization that he can no longer defer the unavoidable.

His room reeks. It’s nothing specific but the air is stale, so he opens the curtains and the window. It’s nice and fresh outside, birds are chirping and flowers emit subtle sweet odor. Instead of joy he feels a sharp prick in his chest. No, he won’t cry more.

All blood rushes out of his head and limbs when he hears his phone buzzing. Rummaging through the crumpled blankets, he finds it under the pillow. 5 new messages.

With trembling fingers, Hal presses _Show_ _all_.

_Hey buddy! Guess what_

_Me and Meryl are going on a date!_

_OUR FIRST OFFICIAL DATE AAAA_

_It was amazing! We went to the cinema and she held my hand! SHE HELD MY HAND I REPEAT_

A selfie of beaming Johnny with a red-haired girl kissing him in the cheek is attached to the last message.

A cold wave of disappointment washes over him. What did he expect? What an idiot, hoping that Dave’s changed his mind and decided to text him, no way he would. Not after all that _nonsense_ Hal told him. Shame casts upon him and swallows him whole; he blinks firmly and clears his throat, typing a reply to Johnny:

_Congrats_

That’s the least depressed he can squeeze out of himself. How come someone’s going to the cinema ends up in such a miraculously cute setting? Holding hands, taking selfies and kissing... Like nothing of these belongs in Hal’s world.

Before he can persuade himself not to do this, he’s going through his conversation with Dave. They used to text every day, even several times a day. Looking at Dave’s pictures with his dog, at his handsome smile, Hal bites down a treacherous sob. After all that humiliation he can’t even be friends with the man. While Johnny and his girlfriend go on dates and enjoy themselves like it costs nothing.

Now that drives him mad. Fingers tightening around the phone, Hal grits his teeth, trying to contain the sizzling fire within. It’s overflowing like lava from a crater; furious, he jumps up and throws his phone to the wall, groaning and clenching his hair.

Breathing hard, he stoops and hears rustle behind the door. Did Emma hear him?

“Hal,” a weak voice comes in behind it. “May I... come in?”

“What is it?” Hal springs up, alert. Emma never goes to his room these days.

When she walks in, wrapped in a blanket, she’s shaking. Her eyes under the glasses are unfocused and swollen. Hal wraps an arm around her shoulders, trying to sit her down.

“No, please,” she whispers, a feeble hand curling in his shirt. “I... I think I’m going to die...”

“What, no!” Hal braces her shoulders, peering her in the eye. She’s swaying. “You aren’t going to die, can you hear me? Emma!”

“Emma, talk to me,” he presses, shaking her a little. It’s not the first time she says such things but now she doesn’t look good at all.

She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Limp, she rolls her eyes and faints and Hal catches her in his arms, blood pumping in his ears. Cold dread overtakes him, but he must stay calm, must call the ambulance and only then panic.

So he lays his unconscious sister down his bed. His phone screen cracked of impact but it’s working, thank god.

He spends the whole evening in the hospital. Emma is admitted, thankfully she isn’t in critical condition. As much as he’s worried, Hal can’t help but wonder how badly hospital bills will affect their living. Perhaps they’ll have to feed on instant noodles for several weeks.

Doctors say it's best to keep Emma in the hospital for the night (how much is that? he doesn’t want to know) so Hal returns home alone. On his way he drops by a convenience store and buys four cans of beer. Drinking himself to sleep is the best he can offer himself now.

Regret comes with the alarm ring next morning. Nauseous, Hal climbs out of his bed, glaring at the darned jacket. Putting it into wrapping paper, he tries not to inhale the scent that’s unmistakably _Dave_. He’ll just stop by the post office after work and send it to him for good.

Unmerciful headache kicks in even before he’s at work. He passes by Johnny who is radiating happiness with a simple _Hi_ which gains him a confused glance. Why didn’t he take an aspirin before he went out?

Water isn’t allowed in the office so on a break he gulps down half of the cooler. Mei Ling stares at him with disapproval.

At least calls can get his mind off the problem of his heartbreak and his sister being at the hospital. After visiting post office he has to sign Emma out, pay the horrendous bills and take her home.

He feels sick the moment instant noodles touch his tongue and hurries to the bathroom, holding the vomit down. No way he’s drinking before bed next time.

Just before the end of his shift clouds envelop the sky and release a drizzling rain. Of course he doesn’t have an umbrella with him. Could this day become any worse?

His steps are firm and stoic as he gets down the stairs under the icy drops. It’s cold and hairs stand up on his arms.

Right before he’s about to turn to the sidewalk, someone grabs his elbow.

“Hal, wait a minute, please.”

He turns and his legs go numb. Dave is standing before him, soaked, his hair plastered to his forehead.

“I’m–” Hal starts, mind racing with _Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry_ _don’t cry_ but Dave tugs on his sleeve and drags him around the corner of the building. There’s a canopy above but the rain still reaches in. Dave pushes him closer to the wall. Hal stares down at his trainers and the dry area around them.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to listen me out, but give me one chance. Just one.”

He’s probably waiting for an answer but Hal is too busy fighting with a lump in his throat to talk. He makes an infirm nod.

“First of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said the other day. I admit that I acted like an asshole, but I couldn’t bring myself to call you or message, it just didn’t seem right. So I decided to go here and face you like a man.”

Hal looks up, wary. Dave is leaning close to him, gazing at him with his eyebrows knitted. His hand is propped to the wall next to Hal’s shoulder. From the outside perspective it can look like he’s being bullied.

“What you told me back then,” Dave continues, and his voice doesn’t sound too tough, “it made me realize a lot of things. You’re brave, much braver than me. You see, I don’t have many friends. What to say, my only friend is Jessie. After the army... well, details aside, I can’t commit to human contact. But meeting you, it was something... You’re easy to talk to, I liked you from the first moment. I can’t explain it, dammit.”

Suddenly, Dave hits the wall and turns around, raking his fingers through his wet hair, chewing his lip. Hal’s legs tremble and he isn’t sure if it’s because of the cold.

“I ran away cause I was afraid,” Dave says, looking him in the eye. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I _like_ you. I like you as a friend, and... not only that.”

Hal stares at him wide-eyed. Blinks. Did he drink himself to coma last night and is seeing a comatose dream?

Dave leans closer, his hands land on Hal’s shoulders. They’re too big for him, so strong and resolute but also so gentle. Mist covers Hal’s eyes and he reaches his hand to wipe them under his glasses.

“No, please.” Dave catches his hand. He’s stroking it. “Don’t cry. Fuck, don’t cry because of me again. I’m not worthy of your tears, I’m no good, I’m thirty three and I have no job, I’m an absolute–”

“Stop it,” Hal mumbles, uneven. “You think you are no good, do you think _I am_ good? I’m a fucking loser and–”

An arm winds around his middle, pulling him in a tight embrace. Dave’s skin is radiating warmth even through his wet clothes. It’s so comfortable, and Hal chokes on a sob, burying his face in the crook of the man’s neck, wrapping his arms around his broad back.

“I guess given that we’re both sore losers, we have no other choice but to stick together,” Dave says with a small chuckle. “If you still want it, of course.”

Sniffing, Hal pushes him away without much force. He’s too exhausted to cry or to smile, so he wipes his glasses and sighs.

“Do you really think I don’t? Really?”

At that, Dave’s face lights up. Wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, his eyebrows twisting, his lips pulling in a smile: he’s _beautiful_ and Hal can’t believe that what’s happening is happening for real.

“Okay,” Dave says and reaches out. His hand clasps Hal’s hand which is so much smaller but it fits perfectly. Skin on skin contact is intense and Hal realizes with dread that he’s getting hot under his shirt.

Dave glances at his watch.

“So, that’s settled. Today is March the 20th, at 8.16 we started dating.”

Excitement forgotten, Hal bursts into laughter and laughs till he’s got no strength in him and has to squat down.

All in all, no rain can spoil his mood anymore. They run to the bus station, together, and inside stand close to each other even though it’s not crowded and not necessary at all. Hal doesn’t care, he’s tired of doing only what’s necessary. Starting today, he’s going to enjoy his life.

The ride to the hospital is long but that’s even better: Hal isn’t really looking forward to perform what has to be done. He tells Dave what happened to his sister. Dave listens with a dark face, but after a while he changes the topic so easily that Hal finds himself not being bothered about the problems hovering above him.

“Say, Hal,” Dave glances at his watch again. “We’ve been dating for half an hour now. When are we going to kiss?”

Blood hits his face and ears, his lips tingle.

“I don’t thi-think we should do this in, in the bus,” Hal mumbles, averting his gaze to the indeed captivating scenery outside. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Dave grinning.

“You know, you look really cute when you’re embarrassed,” he comments and presses closer to Hal’s shoulder. “But you’re right, huh. What about later?”

As if drunk all over again, Hal suppresses a way too crooked smirk by biting his lip.

“If you say anything more, I’ll die,” he says and butts Dave’s shoulder with his forehead.

When they get off the bus Hal makes sure that Dave doesn’t see that he’s putting a chewing gum in his mouth.   

The alley leading to the hospital is bordered with dim lamp posts. The asphalt is still moist after the rain and the air is so fresh that Hal’s head is a little dizzy.

Inside, the difference is profound. The reek of illness and medicine is cohesive and sharp; patients move around like drowsy flies. Hal doesn’t like hospitals – he spent too much time there as a teen watching over mama. Noticing his unease, Dave taps his shoulder and nods to the reception. It won’t take long, will it.

“I'm here regarding Emma Emmerich’s discharge,” Hal says to the receptionist lady. Without looking at him, she tilts her head to the computer screen. Facebook page is reflecting in her glasses.

“Uh-huh,” she says after a pause, and the tab changes to what looks more like a database. “You are?”

“Hal Emmerich.”

The lady looks up at him with suspicious eyes. With even less credit she eyes Dave who’s standing right behind him like a fortress wall.

“Are you the husband?” she squints at Hal.

“No, no. I’m her brother.”

He waves his hand and makes a nervous chuckle. What was that for? This is becoming awkward.

“Show me your ID.”

As Hal frantically rummages through all his pockets and bag – oh, the wrapped jacket is there, he should give it back to Dave once they’re out – the receptionist narrows her eyes at the screen.

“Hold on,” she mutters, her thickly painted eyebrows knitting. “Emma Emmerich, born April 29, 1991?”

“Yes, that’s her.”

“She was discharged three hours ago.”

A nasty throb wambles in Hal's stomach. He stoops over the desk, trying to peek into the screen.

“Are you, are you sure?” he asks, feeling cold sweat forming on his temples. “Anybody picked her up?”

“No.” The lady glares at him, leaning back in her chair. “She paid the bills and departed on her own.”

“Paid the bills? On her own?”

Heart in his throat, Hal shakes in terror. It _must_ be a mistake, there’s no way Emma–

A firm hand lies on his back.

“Calm down, Hal,” Dave whispers. “Excuse us for a moment.”

He walks Hal away and sits him on a couch.

“Hey.” He takes a paper cup and pours some water from a nearby cooler. “Here, drink. Does your sister have a phone?”

Swallowing water Hal feels his nerves soothing a little. Dave squats in front of him, his stare intent but soft.

“Right, I should give her a call.” Hal nods and feels for his phone. Why did he panic without getting that simplest idea first? What an idiot.

As he’s dialing Emma, Dave’s finger lightly taps his knee.

“Hey,” a sleepy voice comes in.

“Emma, I’m in the hospital,” Hal explains, fingers dipping in his hair. “They say that you paid and left, is that true?”

“Yeah,” she says with a note of confusion. “Why are you... Hal, I texted you, didn’t you see?”

He can’t see his face but he’s sure he’s never been so red in his life. If he were an anime character, steam would billow from his ears.

After ending the call, he checks new messages and there’s indeed one from Emma, saying she got sick of staying in the hospital and went home. Sighing, Hal covers his face.

“You worry too much.” Dave stands up and pats his back. “If we don’t have any more business here, let’s get moving. It smells like shit here.”

They walk through the spring park full of blossom and night birds calls. It’s a fifteen-minute walk to Hal’s home but he doesn’t want it to end so soon. Dave’s hand wraps around his in the dark.

“So you take care of Emma all by your own, huh,” Dave mutters. “That’s actually incredible.”

Hal scoffs, masking the awkwardness of a brand new feeling of having his hand squeezed.

“Nothing incredible about microwaving ready-to-cook meals and washing piles of dishes at the weekend.”

Each Dave’s step is two of Hal’s, but he does his best to walk slowly. Tentative, Hal leans to his side. Their hands unlock and Dave’s arm curls around his middle, pulling him closer as they stroll further.

“You can say that,” Dave agrees, “but there’s so much patience and mental strength required to care about an ill relative.”

“I’m used to this,” Hal whispers. “But, Dave... Let’s talk about something else.”

As much as he’s exhausted of the eventful day, he keeps getting new emotions and he isn’t sure he can handle more. It’s like the sorrowful Hal from the morning and the present Hal exist in parallel universes, like thousands of years has passed between morning and night. And time stops when Dave guides him to the side where trees’ trunks drown in the shadow of foliage.

Hal’s back is propped to a tree and his heart beats so hard he can’t breathe. Dave gently clasps his chin and tips his head up.

“Your eyes are really pretty up close,” he mutters, and his lips press to Hal’s mouth.

It’s like sakura flowers blooming in his chest; overflowing, tearing him apart and sewing back only to tear into smaller pieces. Dave’s body is hot against his, his arms so tender and lips fierce. Hal can’t understand what Dave’s doing with his tongue but it feels _so good_ ; he squints his eyes shut tight, embracing Dave’s back, afraid to move an inch as though if he does, the spell will break and his spring park paradise will altogether disappear.

He opens his mouth wider, tilts his head. Should he do it... this way? Hal slips in his tongue, which results in a sharp exhale from Dave’s nostrils. He goes deeper, feeling light-headed, and then freezes as Dave’s hands grab his rear and squeeze it.

Hal taps his shoulder, parting.

“Let me catch my breath,” he pants. Dave backs away and Hal stoops, propping his hands to his knees.

“Phew... It was... It was nothing like I expected,” Hal mumbles. He’s thankful for the darkness hiding his blush.

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. Frankly, I’ve never kissed before.”

Deafening silence lasts long enough for Hal to start regretting his confession. What if Dave didn’t sign up for a virgin lover? Who would, really?

But Dave laughs, so wholehearted and ginger. He gives Hal a light hug, placing a small kiss on his forehead.

“Sorry, if I knew, I wouldn’t go this far,” he mutters, apologetic. Hal shakes his head, hugging him back.

“What are you talking about? It was perfect. I just... need to catch up, I guess.”

The rest of the trip they spend in silence. It’s not that they don’t have anything to talk about, it’s just comfortable as it is – strolling hand in hand without a word uttered. Not before long Hal’s apartment block comes in sight, dictating the end of this momentous journey.

Hal returns Dave his jacket which is no longer a symbol of tragedy but a start of something new, beautiful and bright. With a soft-spoken _goodnight_ , Dave kisses his cheek and walks away, hands in pockets.

Emma is already asleep when Hal walks in. Right in the hall, he sinks to the floor, clasping his face where a wide smile has settled without planning to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and feedback, it means a lot to me!


	4. Aim for the Top!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little nsfw! It also contains mentions of blood, so proceed with caution.

After years of bad luck it’s hard to grasp the reality of having something good for a change. Well, Emma had to give away all her savings from her last job to pay the hospital bills, and Hal still had his _Iron Circle Solid_ stash. Part of him wanted to compensate her for expenses but the other part, the selfish one he’s never liked himself for, told him to keep the money. Why would Emma need it anyway? And who knows what else they’d need it for.

Although he can’t really bring himself to think about something as trivial as money. It’s been a week since he and Dave stated dating – how nicely that sounds and how red his face becomes when he replays the word in his head: _dating_.

They don’t do much except walking with Jessie after Hal’s shifts. On Hal’s day off, they strolled around the park and didn’t get to do anything that people who date usually do. But tomorrow Hal’s off again. On a break, he takes out his phone, leaning on a tiled wall in the bathroom.

_Morning, Dave (_ _◕‿◕✿_ _),_ he types, knowing that 11am is about time when he wakes up. _Any plans for tomorrow?_

His phone is silent. He looks all around. Nobody’s in the bathroom, so Hal raises his phone and smiles at the mirror, propping his hand to his hip. Adding a few filters and a heart emoji, he sends it to Dave.

Nothing comes and he anxiously eyes the screen, checking the picture again. It looks kind of silly, maybe he shouldn’t have attached it. Why haven’t phone companies come up with a feature for deleting a sent text?

A new message pops up and Hal opens it with an excited stab to his gut.

_morning babe_

A screeching noise is building up his throat, so Hal covers his mouth with his hand, blushing.   

Another one.

_looking good!_

A picture is attached to the text: Dave covered with a crumpled blanket, eyelids swollen, hair messy. He’s wearing nothing but a charming grin as far as Hal can see. Words fail him, so he copies and pastes:

_(ʘ_ _‿_ _ʘ)_

This time, the reply is instant.

_what is that supposed to mean_

Hal clears his throat.

_It means I’m baffled by how good-looking you are. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question_

_baffled? well I have no plans. wanna come over? ;)_

Sweating, Hal stands with a hovering finger, staring at the winky smiley. It conveys so much eerie and suggestive energy despite being two simplest symbols. He tries to envision Dave winking but his brain freezes at the mental image.

_Sure! (_ _ﾉ_ _◕_ _ヮ_ _◕_ _)_ _ﾉ_ _*:_ _･ﾟ_ _✧_ _I can bring my hard-drive with anime collection and we’ll watch something_

Hal does his best not to add anything else. He hasn’t been in private with Dave yet, and that kiss in the park was the most erotic experience they’ve had so far. It’s not like it has been keeping him awake each night, morphing into a heated fantasy stitched from what Hal saw in porn with what he supposes Dave would do to him. But when the confirmation with a short ‘alright, see ya tomorrow’ comes, he doesn’t feel as brave as in the sheets of his own bed.

What is he going to wear? Should he shave? Should he shave... there? Use cologne or aftershave? Maybe get a haircut? Should he read some tutorials, if there are any? There have to be, not all people are natural-born lovers. Or are they?

His mind is occupied by all sorts of insecurities as Johnny’s going on about Meryl on a lunch break.

“Johnny,” he says after a moment of consideration. “I know it’s a bit sudden, but I have a date tomorrow.”

Johnny’s jaw drops and so does the sandwich he’s been eating.

“Man!” He beams and pats Hal’s back. “I’m so happy for you! Who’s she?”

With a nervous smile, Hal taps his glasses.

“I can’t tell you much because I believe that setting your hopes too high can get in luck's way, but it’s a person I like a lot.”

Contrary to his expectations, saying it out loud isn’t that hard. Perhaps it’s only because he omitted the part that he’s fallen for a guy.

“Can you give me some advice?”

He doesn’t really expect anything, but the enthusiasm with which Johnny approaches the topic fills him with pleasantly tingling determination. He spends the rest of the break listening to Johnny’s rant on tactical seduction which goes on as they’re walking back to their workplaces.

“And remember,” Johnny mouths under Mei Ling’s heavy stare, “place your arm on the couch’s back right above her shoulder to slid it lower when she’s not paying attention!”

Hal isn’t sure whether any of those are useful. Next day, he wakes up before the alarm and showers thoroughly. He settles on not shaving anything besides his face. Having cooked two meals for Emma, he flies off his apartment with a furiously beating heart.

This time, Jessie is the first to greet him at the door: she’s wagging her tail, snuggling to his feet and asking for pats. Dave is shouldering the wall; he’s wearing a tank top and a pair of sweatpants. When Hal walks in and takes off his trainers, he hugs him with one arm and presses a kiss on his cheek.

“I ordered pizza.” Dave motions to the coffee table where a large steaming box is placed. A row of beer cans is lined up on the floor. “Wasn’t sure which type you like so I chose an assorted one.”

Anything is good in such nice company, so Hal plops down the couch next to Dave who’s lighting up a cigarette. The curtains are opened today and the smoke is permeated by thick glimmer of sunshine.

They crack open their beers while deciding on what to watch.

“I have to make a confession,” Dave says after a sip. “I actually haven’t watched that many animes. I’m more into 80s action movies for that matter.”

Hal laughs, browsing through his catalogue.

“Well, we can watch those too, later.” He nods. “I haven’t seen many myself.”

Dave’s eyebrow rises.

“What?” Hal asks, alert. Did he say something wrong?

“Nothing, I just thought... It’s kinda stupid but I thought you’ll like me less if you find out I’m not a real otaku.”

Hal stares at him. It’s odd to see that perplexed line crossing Dave’s forehead.

“What, no!” He shifts closer. “I don’t care how much you’ve seen, I like you for other reasons. Don’t ever think anything like that.”

An urge to clench Dave in a hug rises within him, and realizing there’s nothing holding him back, he submits to it. It’s warm and tight and Dave’s hugging him back, burying his face into the crook of his neck.

“You smell nice today,” Dave comments, leaning back with a smile. “I mean, you always do, but it’s somehow different today.”

Well, it figures: new shampoo, new shower gel and aftershave combined do wonders. All the same, Hal’s face lights up with a blush.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, pushing up the glasses. “You too.”

All Johnny’s advice, no matter how thought-over, seems pretty hard to follow. He wants to advance here and now but his hands won’t move, as if frozen. They do move toward a slice of pizza, no problem. What a treachery.

They settle on watching ‘cool giant robot shit’, as Dave formulates it, and Hal picks _Gunbuster_. Not only it’s a classic but it’s also short, just six OVAs, so it won’t be too difficult for Dave to stay focused.

Too late Hal remembers why he hasn’t rewatched it for almost a decade: Smith’s death sets him on the verge of tears. With trembling fingers, he finishes his beer and stands up.

“Let’s take a break,” he mutters and Dave nods.

The bathroom is small: a bathtub, a toilet and a sink are packed like sardines there. Washing his face, Hal stares in the mirror. He shouldn’t drink more.

On the way out he notices a door next to the bathroom.

“What’s there?” he shouts out to Dave who’s still sitting on the couch with his beer.

“Oh, that. Just the bedroom.”

So he does have a bedroom. Even though curious to peek, Hal returns to his seat.

“You don’t sleep there?” he asks, tentative. Dave shakes his head.

“It has some bad energy, gives me insomnia,” Dave says and a sullen crease forms on the bridge of his nose. “Jessie loves it there, though.”

Hal doesn’t want to press the issue, so instead he presses the _Play_ icon. After his little breakdown it’s easier to watch the rest, even though the coach’s death moistens his eyes all the same. The intense battle makes him hold his breath and out of the corner of his eye he glimpses Dave’s immersed look.

Both stare into the screen through the whole finale, and when the credits start to roll in Dave releases a heavy sigh. His palm cups Hal’s shoulder: he was so hooked he didn’t notice when Dave placed his arm behind him on the couch. Is that a well-known trick?

“That was really something else,” Dave mutters in a strained voice, blinking.

“I knew you’d enjoy it, since you love Evangelion,” Hal smiles.

“No shit, I did,” Dave admits. “Especially that moment when they lose Jung. And that time Noriko tears her shirt into shreds, that was awesome. I mean’” He sits up to face Hal. His face is reddish. It’s so odd to see him blushing, and Hal barely can contain his own crooked grin. “This was cool and just damn powerful. And I’ll miss the coach.”

For a moment, he looks lost, eyes empty even though he doesn’t glance away. The color fades from his face entirely.

Hal touches his knee, but he isn’t reacting.

“There was a thing that kept bugging me but I couldn’t get why,” Dave finally says, clasping the top of Hal’s hand. “The coach, he resembles my army instructor a lot. Even the sunglasses are the same.”

Remembering that doesn’t seem to bring Dave any comfort. He’s pale, sweat beads are rolling down his muscular neck. Hal frowns, sliding closer across the couch and wrapping an arm around Dave’s massive shoulders.

Something terrible must’ve happened in the army.

“You don’t have to tell me about him,” Hal says, attempting a reassuring smile. He’s got Dave’s attention; his blue eyes gaze at him from below as Hal stands up on his knees and lowers himself on Dave’s lap. It comes so natural as his fingers lace through the curls on Dave’s damp forehead.

His heart races and he closes the distance between their faces. Dave’s lips are harsh but it’s so _sweet_ to kiss him; Hal wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him on himself, holding him tight. His insecurity is gone when Dave starts kissing him back, lapping his tongue and sucking on his lip, hands clasping his sides and rubbing soothing circles into his ribs. Though soothed isn’t exactly how Hal feels: his body ignites with prickling excitement, borderline anxiety but it’s so filling and genuine that he doesn’t want to stop.

Dave leans back and whispers against Hal’s parted mouth:

“Mind if I touch you?”

This is too much but Hal _wants_ too much, so he nods with rushed eagerness and plunks back into the kiss. Dave’s hands lurk under his shirt, his skin burning where his fingers glide against it. Hal’s breathing sharpens and he bucks his hips forward, feeling a rock solid bulge against his own.

If that wasn’t enough to set Hal on fire, Dave parts and racks his shirt up. With a soft gasp Hal dips his fingers into Dave’s hair as the man’s lips circle around his nipple. The sensation is piercing and thorough, calling out a hot burst in Hal’s lower abdomen. Dave’s tongue is stroking the bud with such keen pressure that Hal’s head lolls back. He’s so hard he’d come into his pants if Dave were to palm his cock through his jeans.

But he doesn’t, mapping Hal’s skin with careful, almost wary kisses. His hands rest on the small of Hal’s back and with shallow pushes make him rock his hips in a flowing but steady pace. Hal raises his arm to bite onto his thumb.

“You want me to stop?” Dave asks. There’s a cautious frown in his forehead but his voice is so throaty and thick with yearning that Hal can’t agree to that. Shaking his head, he stoops to kiss Dave’s strong neck, guiding his hands along the man’s collar and shoulders and back to cup his pecs. They feel so tight and packed in his palms and Hal can’t fight with the urge to squeeze them. To his surprise and multiplied arousal, a keen groan comes out from Dave’s mouth.

He doesn’t really know what to do next; well, he’s seen it enough but what’s happening now is so bounteous on its own and this much friction feels so wonderful that Hal settles on having this much. He keeps bucking his hips against Dave’s erection, altering from sucking on his neck to kissing him in the lips as Dave cups his ass with firm hands to guide him. Lost in heady haze, Hal allows himself not to hide occasional slips of his husky voice and that seems to be having the right effect on Dave, whose breaths are growing harsh and erratic, biceps quivering in his tense arms.

Hal doesn’t know how much time has passed; his clothes are soaking wet and hair plasters to his face, glasses steamed of hot breathing. Dave’s holding him so firm it’s almost suffocating but even better this way. Just the moment when pleasant knots form at the edge of his gut, his phone starts buzzing in his back jeans pocket.

They part and Dave doesn’t take his eyes off him as Hal checks the new message.

_Where are you?_

Of course, it’s from Emma. Perhaps she didn’t find the note Hal left right next to a salad bowl saying that he’s gone to a friend’s place and will be home late.

Gritting his teeth, he turns and sits next to Dave, typing.

_I’m at Dave’s, the guy I’ve told you about. What is it?_

“Is that your sister?” Dave guesses, rising on his feet. Hal can’t suppress his curiosity and glances at his clothed bulge. _Damn_ , he’s huge.

“Yes, it seems she needs something.” Hal sighs and scratches his head. “I think I should be going.”

Dave halts in front of the fridge, opening it and peering inside without taking anything.

“I see.” He chuckles. “Well, this sucks but it’s the right thing to do.”

A sting of frustration stabs Hal’s chest. He walks up to Dave and hugs him from behind.

“Listen, I... I really enjoyed what we were doing now,” Hal mutters, glad that he doesn’t have to face Dave while saying this. “How about we pick up where we left off next time?”

Dave turns and kisses him in the lips, smiling. It’s a short, chaste kiss but it makes Hal’s heart flip.

“No problem,” he says and rummages Hal’s hair. “I don’t want to push you anyway.”

“You aren’t pushing me!” Hal purses his lips. “It’s just... I have to say, a little overwhelming.”

Dave nods knowingly.

“Let me see you off, then. About time Jessie wants her walk, huh.”

They stroll with medium haste, for Emma hasn’t replied anything yet, neither she picks up the phone. Maybe she’s just asleep but after her recent collapse Hal can’t contain tranquility.

Around the corner of Hal’s apartment block, Dave takes his hand and squeezes it. Jessie lies down the ground, blocking Hal’s foot with her paws.

“Thanks for today,” Dave says. The corners of his mouth curl in the lightest grin. He looks... so happy.

“It’s nothing!” Hal shakes his head, feeling blood rushing to his face again. “I’m glad I came.”

“Yeah. Gunbuster was sad but cool as fuck.”

They laugh and Dave pats Hal’s back, his hand lingering on Hal’s shoulder. Jessie stands up, ready to go.

“Goodnight,” Dave mutters and gives Hal a quick kiss on the cheek. It’s still tingling as he’s walking away.

As soon as Hal slams his apartment door shut, about to kick off his trainers, kitchen lights switch on. With a judging stare, Emma evaluates him from a chair she’s sitting on, her arms crossed.

“Hey,” Hal smiles, ever so surprised that not only she’s by herself in the kitchen; she actually wears outdoor clothes in a stark contrast to her regular pajamas. “Did you go out?”

“Not that I had a choice,” Emma snarls. Her voice is by all means irritated, which is so new and unsettling that Hal doesn’t know whether to be happy or frightened.

“Hal, tell me.” She stares at him with metallic eyes. “Is that a woman?”

Oh. Ever since they were little, Emma didn’t like girls approaching Hal. Not that there were many. Her protectiveness wore off with her illness. Could that angry pitch in her voice mean...

Hal lays his hand to her shoulder – tense, wired – and squeezes it.

“No, I told you I was with a friend.” He shakes his head. Can he tell her the whole truth?

As if it’s written on his forehead, Emma eyes him with suspicion.

“You’ve been a scatterbrain all-smiles goo for a while,” she comments, shaking off his hand. “Like... like you’re in love. Tell me all you want about those ‘friends’ of yours, I can see that it’s something else.”

Hal doesn’t know what to say. If he denies the obvious, it’ll worsen Emma’s mood even more. If he confesses, god knows how she'll react. So instead of saying anything, he wraps his arm around her shoulders and nuzzles the crook of her neck.

“It’s just the spring, you know?” He chuckles and places a kiss on her cheek. She smells somehow different. _O h_

“Emma, why did you go out? You said you had to.”

“Don’t change the topic!”

But her voice isn’t firm and stoic anymore, a faint blush is creeping up her cheeks.

“If you needed something you could’ve just messaged me to buy it, you know–”

It's like her inner holder snaps; Emma jumps up and yells to his face:

“Not that I can rely on you when you’re fooling around! Not that you’ll be here for me forever!”

An ugly sob breaks in and she rushes into her room, slamming the door after her. So much energy, she has to be on the mend, at least a little.

He has to wait a bit, let her work off the steam. An odd thing how he forgot that Emma used to be far more emotional before her illness imprisoned her into the tacky walls of torpid ennui. Hal goes to wash his hands and a crumpled piece on top of the washing machine catches his attention: it’s the bottom of Emma’s pajamas, with a self-evident blood stain.

Having made two cups of coffee, Hal enters Emma’s room with a tray. He’s fetched an aspirin just in case. Emma has stopped crying and now she’s lying on her couch with a sore look on her face.

“Here,” he gives her the cup and the pill.

“What is this?”

“To soothe the cramps,” Hal explains. “Not sure it helps well enough but that’s all we’ve got. I can go to the drugstore if–”

Emma throws herself into his arms, burying her face in his chest, sniffing again. The cup is forgotten on the coffee table. Sighing, Hal strokes her hair.

“It’s been so long I forgot how to use tampons,” she says quietly. “And it hurts so much!”

She leans away but still clings to his side, and Hal wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“It probably means you’ve started recovering,” he prompts. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

Emma shakes her head and rests it on the crook of his neck.

“Just stay with me like this for a little while.”

The TV is running _Die Hard_ , Emma’s parrot is chirping, outside a rain begins to knock against the window. Just when Hal thinks she’s fallen asleep and attempts to get up, Emma squeezes his middle and whispers without opening her eyes:

“I’m sorry, Hal. I didn’t mean what I said, and if you’re in love, I’m happy for you.”


	5. The Past Strikes Back

The end of March is a period when time stops, flowing in the scenting streets. Early flowers imbue the air with that unique, delicate and almost shy presence that spins your head and drives  you crazy.

Hal has never questioned the power of spring. To him, it’s a natural phenomena when life triumphs over death and the planet renews itself on a sheer volition to continue the circle. Everything that decayed in winter gains inscrutable intensity to be reborn, to return, re-play and re-live. Now, inhaling the heady odors of the last days of March, Hal feels like he is the part of the annual parade, a particle of nature like the chirping warblers and cherry blossoms in full bloom.

When was the last time he walked outside, paying attention to his surroundings? Perhaps when he was nine, at that picnic with mama and small Emma on the shore. The sun had a silver quality to it as it glimmered like precious metals in the running waters. Hal was throwing pebbles. Mama gave Emma an egg sandwich. She was wearing her favorite red raincoat even though the sky was clear. No matter how he tries, Hal can’t draw out her expression from the recesses of his memory.

He’s meeting Dave at the bus stop. It’s a long walk; he’s anxious to find the exact spot. The closer it is to the river, the less people they see. A girl’s sitting alone at the beach with a lunchbox. No, it was farther.

After half an hour of walking around, Hal still can’t pinpoint the place.

“Don’t you like it here?” Dave asks, stopping near a moist rock with moss garment. It’s not like the spot from Hal’s childhood, but he is getting tired and hungry.

They sit down on the pebbles, munching on sandwiches. A boat slits the water far out on the horizon.

The breeze is cool but the sun is warm, and Hal leans his head to Dave’s shoulder. His eyelids are heavy and body is melting. Dave’s arm wraps around his middle and they just sit there, unmoving and enjoying the wind. It’s peaceful.

When Hal wakes up it’s rosy and bronze, clouds floating like giant gauze spaceships.

“It’s beautiful,” Dave utters. A soft smile emerges on his face when Hal looks up at him. He doesn’t want to forget this one.

“Let’s take a picture.”

Hal pats his pockets in search of his phone, but Dave is faster, holding up his own. _Click_ , and there they are: the sky, the opposite shore, all in pink and gold.

“I mean... of us,” Hal mutters and buries his nose in Dave’s cheekbone. Flips the camera and takes a shot without looking at it.

“It’s a bit blurry.” Dave frowns. “Shall we take another one?”

Hal shakes his head. Another one will give them time to prepare and put on serious faces. Better be blurry but genuine.

When Dave lifts his chin and kisses him – slow, unrushed, tender – his chest is overflowing. He will explode if this continues. Tears are edging in the corners of his eyes. The worst is that Hal can’t explain it and the concern in Dave’s look as he leans back is killing him.

Hal closes his arms around Dave, pulling him close, trying to melt into him without looking back. Desperate, he clasps Dave’s face with both palms, peering him in the eye.

“If anything’s more beautiful in this world than this sunset, it’s you.”

Dave glances away and back at him; his nose is flaring from a sheepish grin.

Hal is worn and exhausted when he gets home. He cooks dinner, eats, goes to his room. Lying on his suddenly too broad bed he aches for Dave’s presence, for his arms and voice and that weird and endearing smile. 

Days at work drag intolerably. He doesn’t mind Johnny’s chatter, doesn’t mind Mei Ling’s glares, not even the angry customers that get disconnected. Unfocused, he only wakes from his trance when his phone buzzes.

_hey babe_

–first message reads as Hal opens it in the kitchen. Never fails to make his face red, although Dave is considerable enough not to call him that out of texts.

_good news, I received a job offer as a security guard in an office building. interviews this afternoon, check out my emergency haircut_

In the attached picture Dave looks alien at first glance: a white shirt with a narrow black tie, somber face with drilling eyes, and, most bizarre, his wavy bangs are short and swept back. No beard either.

Staring at the picture, Hal feels blooming sweetness in his gut. How will it feel to kiss him now that his face is smooth?

_That’s great! Good luck! And about the haircut, I need to get used to it but you look amazing ♥_ _‿_ _♥_

–he types and slams _Send_ button.

He couldn’t fail to notice how often Dave spaces out. How he seems to look in front in himself but it’s like he’s peering inside of his own head. A job might be a good start for whatever inner trouble he’s facing and not ready to tell Hal about.

_I actually need your help_

–says the new message

_I’m not really good at those, can you send me a CV example?_

_solidsnake@gmail.com_

Hal stares at the email address. Blinks. Rubs his eyes under the glasses. Stares at it again.

_Solid Snake? Is this your nickname?_

Even though absurd, it kind of suits Dave’s stern personality, and when Hal says it aloud in whisper it sounds just _so cool_.

_I love it, badass (_ _｡_ _◕‿◕_ _｡_ _)_

A reply doesn’t come immediately, but when it does Hal covers his mouth in awe.

_thanks Hal. I was kinda reluctant to give it to you cause well... it’s embarrassing. I picked it some 10 years ago after rewatching conan the barbarian. idk if you saw it but there was one scene where the bad guy shoots the hero’s love interest with an arrow, only it’s a snake instead of the arrow and it’s solid. so, solid snake it was. never got to change it somehow_

Warmth spreads in his chest and Hal sits down a bench, smiling at the screen. Dave has been amazing in many departments, but such a smart take on a nickname makes Hal radiate with pride for his... boyfriend. He tries out the word on his mind: _boyfriend. Dave is my boyfriend. We’re dating and can kiss and hug anytime, and he actually enjoys it._ Burning in the face, Hal finds a CV, attaches it to the email and sends it to Dave.

A new message comes in a few moments.

_Otacon?_

Now it’s his turn to feel embarrassed. If only he had a cool explanation for his email address to match Solid Snake. Too bad he doesn’t.

_It stands for otaku convention_

-he types with utmost graveness.

It’s time to get back to work but a new message makes him linger in the kitchen.

_this is amazing. youre amazing Otacon_

And now he can die. Not a single moment of his life Hal has thought that anyone, let alone the hottest person he knows who happens to be his boyfriend, would call him by his anime forum nickname. Well, he can live with that. Сan he?

An evening walk with Jessie starts with Dave’s sullen glare which isn’t directed at Hal but the gloomy air around him is filled with what calls for a few beers. He’s still wearing the suit – it’s smart and even though the style is different from what Dave usually wears it complements his build very nicely.

“If I knew they had five other candidates I wouldn’t have come at all,” Dave growls in frustration. Instead of beer, Hal buys them ice-cream cones and they sit on a bench in the park while Jessie’s running around and bringing the stick Dave throws for her to fetch.

“This sucks, but I’m sure you’ll find another offer!” Hal tries his best to reassure and pats Dave’s shoulder with free hand. “Looking like that you could apply for a bodyguard, you know.”

“Yeah, all until the employer looks into my record of service,” he chuckles, quite bitter. “This one’s really tasty, what’s the flavor?”

“Pistachio. There’s chocolate chip one under it. I have strawberry and orange sherbet, wanna trade?”

Dave snorts.

“Hanged if I will, you pick me this creamy splendor and ask me to trade it for some ice?”

They laugh and Hal is happy to see Dave’s smile back in place. Hal tells him about the airing HD remaster of _Gundam Seed Destiny_ and Dave tells him about action films they can watch on his next day off. Hal doesn’t notice the moment when the ice-creams are finished and their hands lock, so natural and pleasant that he doesn’t want to get up and walk home.

Mid-line he notices a looming figure out of the corner of his eye. Someone’s standing in front of them, and the moment Hal turns at the intruder hairs stand up on the back of his neck.

“If it isn’t Hal The Urinator,” says the voice Hal wishes he didn’t recognize.

Gerry had always been the tallest in their class, but now he’s just giant. Next to him stands another guy Hal doesn’t know, both wearing shit-eating grins.

“Hi,” Hal says with a note of belligerence and sits upright. Squeezes Dave’s hand in a silent hint that he can handle that.

But Dave doesn’t have it.

“Who are you and what did you just call him?”

Dave stands up. No matter how large, he’s still shorter than Gerry.

“We’re pals from elementary school,” Gerry cackles and his lackey echoes. “And who are you? Why were you holding hands with pisspants Emmerich, big guy?”

It happens so fast Hal can barely distinguish the movements: a swift blow is delivered right into Gerry’s solar plexus, arm bent and now Dave’s holding him in a block. Jessie’s run up to them and is barking at the lackey, who starts off with a high-pitched scream.

“I don’t care who you are,” Dave says with a cold-blooded stare, “but go bully someone else, assface.”

With that, Dave jerks Gerry’s arm and pushes him back. In stupor Hal watches his former fiend trembling and running off for his life. Dave cracks his knuckles and plops down like nothing happened.

“Wow,” Hal breathes out after a moment. “That was... so cool.”

Dave frowns and takes a cigarette.

“Nothing cool about it,” he grumbles, lighting it up. “I just hate nasty assholes who can’t get a life and grow up.” He turns at Hal, smoke flowing from his nostrils. “I hope I didn’t scare you.”

Hal shakes his head and clasps Dave’s hand. It feels rougher than before, but not the less like it belongs in his. Hell, even more than before it does.

“I may have not practiced but stuff they teach you in the army never goes away,” Dave says, wistful. “Sometimes I had to beat up dozen guys a day. Guess how many times I got my nose and ribs broken, huh.”

Hal listens with attention: it’s the first time Dave’s talking about the army so casually. Jessie lies between their feet, her paws on Dave’s shoes.

“My instructor, the name’s Miller, used to say that if I can’t do two hundred push-ups in one-go I am not cut to be a soldier,” Dave continues. His eyes are fixed in front of himself but they aren’t glazed like before when he remembered something about the army. “Can you imagine, the old man was hitting us guys on the back with his cane – Miller lost a leg in Vietnam.”

Hal gulps. Sounds like a setup for another Rambo sequel.

“One night, me and boys had a leave warrant. It was Christmas, everyone was hog-drunk. I went to take a piss and stumbled into instructor Miller in the bathroom. Of course he wasn’t sober himself but he scolded me anyway, not like he really meant it, fatherly-like. And then we shared some fancy wine from his stock and he told me that push-ups don’t matter as long as you’re a soldier in your heart.”

“That sounds... very romantic,” Hal admits.

“More like some bullshit he regretted saying later.” Dave chuckles. “Later I learned that he spited the army as a concept, but that was already at his funeral. His daughter told me.”

Wacky heaviness clenches Hal’s heart. Just a few minute recollection of Dave’s former life is borne with tough events, how much has he had to endure? The thought makes Hal’s gut shrink, but spreading tenderness toward Dave drives him to embrace him in a gentle hug, which he does.

“I’m okay, Otacon. Don’t worry.”

“And you don’t call me that.” Hal blushes and hides his face in Dave’s massive shoulder.

With Dave, time flies like a lightning and each day Hal returns home with a vague sting of frustration. They’ve been together – dating, being boyfriends – gosh! – for three whole weeks now. The sensitive issue hasn’t been resolved yet. As much as Hal would love to, every time they end up kissing on Dave’s couch, his brain freezes and chains his limbs. It’s not like he’s afraid to have sex, oh no, but looking at himself in the mirror he frowns upon his terribly thin build, pale skin, prominent ribs and atrociously sparse chest hair. Does Dave really want this? How can a man of his exquisite looks and toned body want something this unimpressive? Sure, when Dave kisses him Hal can feel the genuine passion in the arch of his tongue and firmness of his hands on Hal’s hips, but... He glares at his slouched shoulders and skinny arms. With a scornful sigh, tugs on the elastic band of his boxers. Would Dave really want to touch _this_?

But his frustrations are lightened by the upcoming payday. His stash for the new videocard has almost reached the limit, and the other day he stumbled into a small anime merch shop that has a pretty gashapon of Asuka in her signature yellow dress. Will make a nice present for a one-month anniversary, won’t it?

When the day comes, Hal is checking his phone for a text from the bank on every break. Dave hasn’t messaged yet but he’s probably just busy with job search. He’ll come for the evening walk anyway.

A few hours after lunch his phone does vibrate and Hal turns around, checking for the seniors’ presence. Mei Ling’s out so he carefully extracts his phone and glances at the text.

His stomach goes cold at the number that is two times smaller than his usual salary.

There must be a mistake, so he puts the line on hold and goes to check on the monthly payment sheet. Having scrolled down to E, he finds his name and sees the same ridiculous number.

On the last break, Hal walks up to Mei Ling.

“Excuse me, I think there’s a mistake with my payment,” he says, trying not to sound hysterical. If it’s true, there’s no videocard for him and no Asuka figure for Dave till next month.

Calm as ever, Mei Ling checks with the sheet and turns at him, clasping her hands.

“Emmerich,” she says softer than usual, “there aren’t any mistakes. Your salary was cut according to the error index. You violated clichés and gave wrong data several times. I’ll send you the call recordings with said errors.”

It’s like life is being sucked out of him; Hal’s shoulders become heavy, he feels drained and just wants to go home. Too bad there are three more hours of work.     

“But,” Mei Ling lowers her voice and beckons him to stoop, which he does with fair reluctance. “I get it that you might’ve just spaced out, I’ve heard your sister was hospitalized not long ago.”

Damn, Johnny sure has got a big mouth. Hal nods, not having enough energy to say anything.

“And I know that you’ve been supporting her all alone,” she adds. “You haven’t taken a vacation through the whole year. Tell me, are you experiencing financial difficulties?”

Well, there’s enough to pay the rent and somehow survive till the next payday, but they’ll have to settle for a modest diet.

“A bit, yes.”

Mei Ling glances around. Her hand lies on his shoulder.

“Sorry, I can’t help with it now. But next month I’ll ask the boss to raise your bonus if you agree on some extra calls from the Sales Department line. Alright with you?”

Hal nods again, a little more uplifted.

“But remember,” her face is serious all over again, “no more errors! Follow the clichés!”

Well, one more month of dodging the _Iron Solid Circle_ spoilers doesn’t sound too bad. And the extra work might be refreshing after months of same grumpy customers over and over. Hal isn’t sure if he’s cut for sales, but never hurts to try, right?

His excitement grows as the shift rolls closer to the end: he’s going to see Dave, talk to him and hold hands and maybe even kiss if there’s nobody around. He exits the office with a wide smile.

Dave hasn’t arrived to their usual meeting spot – the one under the canopy where they made peace. Hal checks his watch: Dave is never late, but now it’s been fifteen minutes and he’s not here.

With rising anxiety, Hal dials his number. He isn’t picking up.

He waits ten more minutes; there's no sight of Dave or Jessie whatsoever. Fidgeting, Hal walks to the bus stop. True that they can miss each other if Hal heads to his place now, but that not picking up the phone business is so disturbing that he can’t just stand and wait more.

He doesn’t plug in his earphones, tapping the rail and stomping his foot through the whole ride. When the slow as a snail bus finally reaches the needed stop, Hal rushes out and runs to the apartment block.

The sun is setting, painting the air with purple and deep orange as he’s climbing up the stairs: the elevator is out of service. He calls Dave again but there’s only long dial tone. Panting, Hal walks up the door of his apartment and rings, curses under his breath and knocks several times.

Jessie barks from the inside, but that’s it. Hal knocks again, harder, and the door creaks open under his fist.

The laptop is closed, lights off. Jessie watches him, her tail wiggling, and butts his shin with her nose. There’s a rustling noise somewhere inside but Hal can’t pinpoint the direction it’s coming from. On the floor next to the coffee table scattered a few beer bottles and one more sizeable. Hal picks it up, reading _Smirnoff_ on the label.

Alert, he walks around the room in circles and halts in front of an opened door: the bedroom. He’s never been there for it’s always closed and he’s hesitant to step in, but he does. Inside there's nothing but a TV on a nightstand and a large bed with blank white sheets. An icy shock jolts his body: there are stains of red on white.

A gurgling sound catches his attention and he dashes out of the bedroom. _Splash, splash._ Crouching, he notices wet trails on the floor coming from the gap beneath the bathroom door.

Heart beating like mad, Hal jerks the door open and ceases in terror. The bathtub is overflowing; Dave is lying inside with one arm out. His eyes are closed. Blood is dripping from his fingers to the floor.

“Dave!” Hal shouts, falling to his knees next to the tub and grabbing Dave’s shoulder. “Dave, what are you doing! Wake up! Wake up!”

He shakes him but there’s no response; with trembling hands Hal tries to pull him out but he’s so heavy and limp. Jessie is jumping around him, barking at the sight of her unconscious owner. Puffing on air, Hal winds Dave’s arm around his shoulders and with all his strength pushes him onto himself, puts him with his knees to the tiled floor. There’s a raspy groan, incoherent babbling; Dave’s opened his eyes but they’re hazy and unfocused. Shaking, Hal pushes him closer to the toilet and heaves the seat lid. He grabs Dave’s hand – the one that isn’t bleeding.

“Put your fingers in your throat, please!” he explains, guiding Dave’s hand. His head makes a floating movement that seems like a nod; he complies before Hal has to apply more pressure.

Dave’s loudly sick; the porcelain gets red marks where his injured hand is gripping onto it. Hal is patting his shoulder: he is cold and shaking really bad.

After the worst fit, Dave spits and flushes, his eyes come into focus.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he mutters and spits again, panting. “Hal, please, go away, I–”

And he’s sick again. Hal’s skin crawls, he’s still shaking but won’t release Dave’s shoulder. He sees thick goosebumps covering up Dave’s skin: right, he’s naked and sitting on the floor, this isn’t good. With hectic whirl, Hal gets up and rummages through the shelves in search of a clean towel. The only one available is damp, but it’s not dirty, so Hal plunges next to Dave and wraps it around him, holding him from behind.

“You shouldn’t have seen me like this.”

Dave’s voice is low and hushed, almost weak but Hal doesn’t want to think of him as weak. He isn’t, and whatever’s happening to him is something Hal must help with. This is his duty.

Dave washes his face and mouth, and Hal leads him to the bedroom, supporting his arm. Throws the bloodied blanket away, lies him down and fusses around in search for another one. Finding it, Hal covers Dave’s body and places his bleeding arm on top of the fabric. Jessie jumps onto the bed and puts her head on his thigh, gazing with concern.

“Hold on, I’ll go get something to patch this,” Hal says and kisses Dave’s forehead: it’s burning, even though his body is cold.

Back to the bathroom; there’s not much in the first-aid kit, thankfully an antiseptic and bandages, that’s a start. If the blood doesn’t stop he’ll have to call the ambulance, but Hal prays that it won’t be necessary. When he’s back and sits on the edge of the bed, Dave’s not looking at him.

The cuts are on the inner side of his palm, not the wrist – that’s a good start. Nothing to worry about, but Hal still worries, cleaning the wound and wrapping the bandage around his hand.

“Is it not too tight?”

There’s silence for a few moments, then comes a throaty, gurgling sound that makes Hal grab Dave and sit him upright: he’d choke in this position if he’s sick again. But Dave isn’t sick; he isn’t struggling as Hal grips onto his shoulder either. The sound repeats, and he drops his face into his good hand. Mouth agape, Hal holds him closer, stroking his hair.

“I’m the worst, you shouldn’t be here with me,” Dave forces through the sobs and the block of his hand. “I was drinking all morning and all day because I had that fucking nightmare again, I didn’t even think that you’d be worried, didn’t think to tell you, I should’ve, but I’m such a fucking mess, Hal! You’re a wonderful person and you’re wasting your time with a failure like me, I don’t deserve you and your kindness, I–”

He coughs, and Hal presses a kiss to his temple. Dave takes his hand away from his face: he’s red all over, eyes dark, and that sorrowful knit of his eyebrows breaks Hal’s heart.

“Have you said everything you needed?” Hal asks.

“I– you don’t– yeah, I have.”

With a sigh of relief, Hal pulls him into a big hug and buries his face in Dave’s cheek.

“Then let me talk,” he whispers into his ear. “Life isn’t all roses, and I don’t know anything about the horror you have to face, that’s true. I’m not sure if I can help you with it, but I’m sure of one thing: I want to be with you, Dave.”

Strange, now that he’s said it the strain in his heart unraveled, unleashing the power he didn’t know he possessed. Just an hour ago he couldn’t imagine he’d say anything like this, but now he’s positive of the realness of his feelings for Dave.

An arm firms on his back and Dave turns to him, butting his nose with his and kissing him. It’s gentle, Hal can taste tears on his lips. Parting, Dave squeezes him tight and says in uneven, teary voice:

“I want to be with you, too. I told you to go away but in reality... I’m afraid you’ll leave me, I’m so afraid, Hal. I promise I’ll do everything capable of me to become better. I promise I’ll learn to love and cherish you like you deserve it.”

They sit hugging for a while until Jessie starts whining. Dave pats her ears. Well, she hasn’t gotten her walk yet.     

“I can walk with her if you’re feeling unwell,” Hal proposes.

“No, it’s my responsibility. Give me ten minutes, I’ll see you to the bus stop.”

And despite Hal's protests and arguments that he should rest, Dave gets up and puts on some clothes. His voice is rusty and the movements are slow, but watching his back as he dresses up Hal can’t help but admire his muscles, his broad back and deliciously bulging ass. It’s not the time to be thinking of something like this, and Hal blushes profusely when Dave turns and gives him a look.

“Sorry, I guess I should’ve gone to the bathroom,” Dave mutters, zipping up his jeans.

“No!” Hal waves his hands, laughing. Well, that came out too eager. “I don’t mind. I mean, you can cha-change wherever you want, it's your place, after all.”

Dave’s brow arches. A tired grin crooks his lips.

“Like what you’re seeing?”

He stoops, drilling Hal with a playful gaze. No, he won’t lose to that. Hal pushes up his glasses and crosses his arms.

“Yes. You’ve got a great butt. I’d gladly fondle it,” he says with all the confidence gathered from every nook and cranny of his ego.

He expects a laugh, another teasing comment, but instead Dave cups his face and softly kisses him in the lips. Mesmerized, Hal peers in Dave’s beautiful blue eyes.

“Well, you can do it anytime, but not today. I’m off game and wouldn’t like our first time to be half-assed.”

And now Hal’s face burns, all his courage crushed.

“I didn’t say I want it now!” He hides his face. “I mean, I do, you’re so handsome and whenever you hug or kiss me I want to hold you and... and... but...”

He peeks through his fingers. Dave pats his shoulder, smiling.

“I know,” he mutters. “Frankly, I feel the same about you. But I’ve told you it’s no rush. Take your time.”

Dave is about to leave the room and Hal stands up, hands balling into fists. He doesn’t know where that determination came from but he walks up to him and without any shame grabs his shoulder and pins him to the wall, kissing him as deep as he can reach. His hands lurk lower and he grabs Dave’s ass, squeezing his buttocks and pressing him closer. He’s hard, and Dave is hard against him with the only border being their jeans.

Hal parts, breathing heavily. Dave stares at him with a deep blush across his face.

“That’s for you to have a hard time falling asleep, like I do.” Hal grins and walks away. Jessie barks and runs up to the door.

Just before they leave, Dave takes his hand and places a kiss on his knuckles.

“I’ll have my revenge.”

But no revenge is needed when Hal gets home and into his room. He’s so aroused that even exhaustion can’t let him relax. He jerks off to the videos, fantasizing how it is Dave sucking him off, taking him from behind, slamming his huge cock into him and pulling on his hair, coming all over his face and chest.

He finishes and fatigue doesn’t make him wait anymore. His body aches and he hugs his pillow, thinking if Dave would like to cuddle after sex. How sweet would that be.

Oddly enough, he isn’t falling asleep. He recollects when happened today, how Dave cried in front of him and what he said. No matter how strong he might seem on the outside, he was vulnerable. But that didn’t make Hal think less of him. On the contrary, his respect for Dave grows the more he rewinds his words in his mind. He wasn’t being selfish, and he evidently wants to protect Hal from himself. But also...

Warmth swells in Hal’s stomach and he suppresses a small scream in the back of his throat. _I’ll learn to love and cherish you like you deserve it._ Wasn’t that the kindest thing to say? Does _he_ deserve it?

Well, his life has been a fair mess, but meeting someone who needs him _and_ wants him makes him realize that he’s capable of being a good person. He wasn’t a good son, hasn’t been a very good brother, but now he has a chance to redeem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for everyone's support. Next chapter is going to be the last one, I hope you all will enjoy the outcome of this story :)


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